I am not avoiding, ignoring, or intentionally neglecting ANYONE. I get it. I'm a shitty friend, because I don't make time for people, and whatever.
But ya know what? At any given moment, I'm living 4 or 5 different lives. I'm a student, and a mother, and a daughter, and a person. But there are only so many hours in a day, and only so many days in a week, and I can't fucking be everything to everyone. I'm at school every day, and I'm at home dealing with my mother, doing what I have to do to keep her happy so she'll keep letting me live under her roof. And, of course, every minute that I'm not at school, I'm with Auron.
Guess which person gets neglected 90% of the time. Me, of course.
So I have two evenings a week when I am not responsible to anyone but myself. And on those two evenings, I GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN. I run away from my life, and I hide, and I don't talk to anyone but the person I'm with, because sometimes I just need to fucking take care of myself.
I am responsible to enough people on any given day. I do not need to be held responsible and given guilt trips because I'm not taking care or MORE responsibilities than I've already got. On my two evenings off, I want to do things for me. Not because I feel obligated to, and not because someone's been passive-aggressive 24/7 for countless weeks.
Like I said, I get it, I'm a lousy friend. I could be making time for people instead of going out and taking care of myself. But I'm getting pretty fucking tired of hearing that I don't come to visit people enough when they're less than 15 minutes away twice a week and can't be bothered to text ME to come visit ME. I'm not gonna drive an hour out of my way for you when you can't go five minutes out of yours for me.
And it's not just one person. I don't respond to half of my texts. I don't talk to half the people I should be talking to. But I have a million things that I need to be doing 6 days a week, and the (not quite) 24 hours that I have to myself are for me. Period. And when I'm monitoring what I'm saying online for fear of a passive-aggressive response from someone who can't be bothered to go a few minutes out of their way from me, there's a fucking problem, and I'm sick of it.